This is no day to talk business. (Yes, I'd like more white meat, please.)
This is a day to give thanks, and we who work on the web have more reasons to be thankful than most. (Yes, I'd like another spoonful of the stuffing.)
Thanks to stupid Venture Capitalists who fund our every scheme. (Could I have some mashed potatoes, please?)
Thanks to the Internet investors who believe all the spin we put on our press releases, even when they're more greased-up than one of Gaylord Perry's old "fastballs." (Yes, some gravy, please.)
Thanks for the stupidity of companies like Toys R Us. Thanks that Wal-Mart hasn't yet figured out how to scale. (May I have some cranberry sauce next to that, if you don't mind?)
Thanks to the politicians, both left and right, who are so scared of us (and anxious for our campaign contributions) that rolling Washington logs is easier than lying to an Internet stock analyst. (Oh, of course some of that green bean casserole. I must have my veggies!)
Thanks to Big Media, which still only knows "personality" journalism, leaving the real story (the numbers) to those few with a Clue. (Is that marshmallow in the sweet potatoes? How lovely!)
Thanks for the great sources (both named and unnamed) who concentrate more on making themselves understood than making themselves look good (and who look better in the process. Oh, and are those pearl onions?)
Thanks too for Java, for XML, even for Active Server Pages. Thanks for DSL and cable modems, for database-driven email and Interstitials. (Is that red wine I see? I'd love a glass!)
Thanks go to start-ups, with their charm and energy. (Do you have some cream for this coffee? Good!) Thanks to the web "giants," the AOLs and Amazons, who prove that money can't buy love. (Yes, some whipped cream would go well with that pecan pie.)
Thanks for the stories, and thanks for the web. Thanks for email, and many thanks to Ted. (Nelson, that is. I am so happy you brought the Tagamet. I'll take two, if you don't mind.)
But mostly my thanks today go to you, my readers, and to my editors at ClickZ. I could never have better bosses. Neither could you, if you really work for your customers. (Which leaves me with just one question - are you ready for some football?)
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Dana Blankenhorn has been a business reporter for more than 20 years. He has written parts of five books and currently contributes to Advertising Age, Business Marketing, NetMarketing, the Chicago Tribune, Boardwatch, CLEC Magazine, and other publications. His own newsletter, A-Clue.Com, is published weekly.
December 5, 2013
1:00pm ET / 10:00am PT
December 12, 2013
1:00pm ET / 10:00am PT