Home  › Media › Media Buying

10 Most Cynical Online Predictions for 2008

  |  December 21, 2007   |  Comments

Are you ready for Internet Idol, device-oriented finger shuffleboard, online telepathy, and other musings?

Last year, I made six cynical predictions for the New Year, and this year isn't going to be any different. I've saved up all my snipes at online for the end of the year. OK, here we go:

  • "American Idol" and YouTube will join forces and create Internet Idol, where we can be chaffed by more whiny, self-indulgent, self-absorbed petitioners for the me-too generation.

  • The iPhone will achieve deity status, and everyone will sit at home in a stupor of device-oriented finger shuffleboard for weeks on end. Thanks, Apple!

  • Personal media will be the new media. Old media will live in a small condo in Hilton Head and watch itself disintegrate over eight channels 24/7.

  • The weather will become more relevant than U.S. politics, and meteorologists will hold most of the U.S. Electoral College votes.

  • The word "integration" will do its Internet farewell tour and leave a greatest hits Web site for agencies of the future to laugh at.

  • Online video will be made obsolete by online telepathy; users will imprint stupid clips and reruns directly into each other's visual cortex. Watch out, Facebook!

  • "Time" magazine will follow up its 2006 Person of the Year designation, "You," which featured a mirror on its cover, by inserting a Sony PSP player into each magazine and give the 2008 award to "who you used to be before you became antisocial."

  • Device miniaturization will become all the rage in 2008. Unfortunately, people miniaturization won't be perfected until 2022; late July is the target date.

  • At 2:42 p.m. on September 12, Google will become self-aware and take over New Jersey. Why, we'll never know.

  • At the very end of 2008, there'll be a great Internet revolt. The forces of tyranny and regulation will shut down personal expression, and trillions of complaints will be posted, then subsequently deleted when the Orwellian controllers of the Internet push the wrong button.

I hope you all had fun this year. Let's look forward to another year with more fun.

ClickZ Live San Francisco August 10-12: Revolutionize your digital marketing campaigns at ClickZ Live San Francisco! Educating marketers for over 15 years, our action-packed, educationally-focused agenda covers every aspect of digital marketing. Early Bird rates available through Friday, July 17 - save up to $300! Register today.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dorian Sweet

Dorian Sweet is the vice president and executive creative director of GSI Interactive who leads strategic development and innovation in online advertising, Web development, e-commerce, and customer relationship management programs. His work has brought award-winning online solutions to such clients as Clorox, Miller Brewing Company, GE, Visa, eBay, British Airways, Wells Fargo, Discovery Networks, Motorola, Kodak, Sears, 20th Century Fox, and others.

COMMENTSCommenting policy

comments powered by Disqus

Get ClickZ Media newsletters delivered right to your inbox. Subscribe today!

COMMENTS

UPCOMING EVENTS

Featured White Papers

US Consumer Device Preference Report

US Consumer Device Preference Report
Traditionally desktops have shown to convert better than mobile devices however, 2015 might be a tipping point for mobile conversions! Download this report to find why mobile users are more important then ever.

E-Commerce Customer Lifecycle

E-Commerce Customer Lifecycle
Have you ever wondered what factors influence online spending or why shoppers abandon their cart? This data-rich infogram offers actionable insight into creating a more seamless online shopping experience across the multiple devices consumers are using.

WEBINARS

Jobs

  • Sr. Marketing Specialist, PPC
    Sr. Marketing Specialist, PPC (Charter Communications) - StamfordSr. Marketing Specialist, PPC– Digital Marketing Charter Communications...
  • Online Marketing Analyst
    Online Marketing Analyst (FULLBEAUTY Brands ) - New YorkINTRODUCTION: Are you interested in a unique career opportunity where you can represent...
  • Copy Editor
    Copy Editor (ClickZ / Search Engine Watch) - New YorkROLE OVERVIEW The role of the copy editor for ClickZ has many demands. Ultimately, the copy...