Home  › Media › Media Buying

10 Most Cynical Online Predictions for 2008

  |  December 21, 2007   |  Comments

Are you ready for Internet Idol, device-oriented finger shuffleboard, online telepathy, and other musings?

Last year, I made six cynical predictions for the New Year, and this year isn't going to be any different. I've saved up all my snipes at online for the end of the year. OK, here we go:

  • "American Idol" and YouTube will join forces and create Internet Idol, where we can be chaffed by more whiny, self-indulgent, self-absorbed petitioners for the me-too generation.

  • The iPhone will achieve deity status, and everyone will sit at home in a stupor of device-oriented finger shuffleboard for weeks on end. Thanks, Apple!

  • Personal media will be the new media. Old media will live in a small condo in Hilton Head and watch itself disintegrate over eight channels 24/7.

  • The weather will become more relevant than U.S. politics, and meteorologists will hold most of the U.S. Electoral College votes.

  • The word "integration" will do its Internet farewell tour and leave a greatest hits Web site for agencies of the future to laugh at.

  • Online video will be made obsolete by online telepathy; users will imprint stupid clips and reruns directly into each other's visual cortex. Watch out, Facebook!

  • "Time" magazine will follow up its 2006 Person of the Year designation, "You," which featured a mirror on its cover, by inserting a Sony PSP player into each magazine and give the 2008 award to "who you used to be before you became antisocial."

  • Device miniaturization will become all the rage in 2008. Unfortunately, people miniaturization won't be perfected until 2022; late July is the target date.

  • At 2:42 p.m. on September 12, Google will become self-aware and take over New Jersey. Why, we'll never know.

  • At the very end of 2008, there'll be a great Internet revolt. The forces of tyranny and regulation will shut down personal expression, and trillions of complaints will be posted, then subsequently deleted when the Orwellian controllers of the Internet push the wrong button.

I hope you all had fun this year. Let's look forward to another year with more fun.

ClickZ Live Toronto On the heels of a fantastic event in New York City, ClickZ Live is taking the fun and learning to Toronto, June 23-25. With over 15 years' experience delivering industry-leading events, ClickZ Live offers an action-packed, educationally-focused agenda covering all aspects of digital marketing. Register today!

ClickZ Live San Francisco Want to learn more? Join us at ClickZ Live San Francisco, Aug 10-12!
Educating marketers for over 15 years, ClickZ Live brings together industry thought leaders from the largest brands and agencies to deliver the most advanced, educational digital marketing agenda. Register today and save $500!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dorian Sweet

Dorian Sweet is the vice president and executive creative director of GSI Interactive who leads strategic development and innovation in online advertising, Web development, e-commerce, and customer relationship management programs. His work has brought award-winning online solutions to such clients as Clorox, Miller Brewing Company, GE, Visa, eBay, British Airways, Wells Fargo, Discovery Networks, Motorola, Kodak, Sears, 20th Century Fox, and others.

COMMENTSCommenting policy

comments powered by Disqus

Get ClickZ Media newsletters delivered right to your inbox. Subscribe today!

COMMENTS

UPCOMING EVENTS

Featured White Papers

Gartner Magic Quadrant for Digital Commerce

Gartner Magic Quadrant for Digital Commerce
This Magic Quadrant examines leading digital commerce platforms that enable organizations to build digital commerce sites. These commerce platforms facilitate purchasing transactions over the Web, and support the creation and continuing development of an online relationship with a consumer.

Paid Search in the Mobile Era

Paid Search in the Mobile Era
Google reports that paid search ads are currently driving 40+ million calls per month. Cost per click is increasing, paid search budgets are growing, and mobile continues to dominate. It's time to revamp old search strategies, reimagine stale best practices, and add new layers data to your analytics.

WEBINARS

Resources

Jobs

    • GREAT Campaign Project Coordinator
      GREAT Campaign Project Coordinator (British Consulate-General, New York) - New YorkThe GREAT Britain Campaign is seeking an energetic and creative...
    • Paid Search Senior Account Manager
      Paid Search Senior Account Manager (Hanapin Marketing) - BloomingtonHanapin Marketing is hiring a strategic Paid Search Senior Account Manager...
    • Paid Search Account Manager
      Paid Search Account Manager (Hanapin Marketing) - BloomingtonHanapin Marketing is hiring an experienced Paid Search Account Manager to...