Five worst decisions Apple has made in the last five years

Perhaps it’s because I’m an only-child and I relate to the arrogant way Apple products swagger around like they own place, believing their own hype and not playing well with others.

I’m basically one of those self-hating Apple users. I know, the worst kind right?

I would never admit out loud to any of my friends or colleagues that I’m an Apple fan, and yet here I am, typing away on a MacBook that I threw an almighty hissy-fit to convince my bosses to let me have…

“It’s what I’m used to now and if you make me use a PC laptop, you may as well cut off all my electricity, turn off all the hot water in my house and dress me up in rags, because you will be forcing me to live in the stone age! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?”

But then what was the first thing I did when I got my own way? I covered it in hip-hop band stickers. After all, I don’t want people to think that I actually like Apple products.

As for my choice of mobile phone? Well put it this way, when you’ve spent a couple of years using a BlackBerry and wondering why on Earth anyone would invent such a wilfully user-unfriendly machine, and then you pick up an iPhone for just a couple of minutes, you will never go back.

But then if you happened to ask me what phone I currently use, I will invariably reply, “Oh I don’t know, whatever came free with my contract, a MacPhone is it?” Despite the fact that it’s the third full-price iPhone I’ve bought in 12 months because each one has obliterated itself after falling all of two feet to the ground and I can’t possibly bear to live without it or use an alternative.

I’m basically spoiled.

Perhaps it’s because I’m an only-child and I relate to the arrogant way Apple products swagger around like they own place, believing their own hype and not playing well with others. That’s probably a dark thread that’s best not to tug at and that’s maybe why I wouldn’t admit to actually being an Apple devotee, despite all evidence to the contrary. They remind me of my own worst qualities.

It also doesn’t help that I’m exactly the kind of pop culture snob that hates it when their niche things become popular. You’ll find this is a common trait of tech-fans, which spills into their other passions.

I saw a bus advert for Mr Robot on my way to work this morning, and instead of celebrating the fact that it will find a much-deserving wider audience, I just realised that the next time someone asks me what I’m watching at the moment, instead of replying Mr Robot as I would have done a couple of weeks ago, I’ll have to find something else obscure to reference. Terrific Stilt-Boy for instance.

I’m the worst.

Apple itself has been doing an impressively heroic job lately in making it harder for its devotees to remain loyal. In fact, some of its recent decisions have at best been woefully misguided and under-tested, and at worst directly antagonistic.

Let’s take a look at some of these products, updates and campaigns, like someone picking at a fresh scab and exposing the wound to further damage because they just can’t let something heal with the natural passage of time.

Siri won’t answer some music related questions if you’re not subscribed to Apple Music

This was brought to my attention yesterday on The Verge, now when you ask your iPhone’s personal assistant HAL 9000 Siri certain music related songs, it replies, “Sorry admin, I can’t look up the music charts for you. You don’t seem to be subscribed to Apple Music.”

siri apple music block

Forgetting the rudeness of not knowing my name, this came as a bit of a shock. Although weirdly it just seems to be for US related music queries. When I asked the same for the UK based charts, Siri provided me with standard Google search results.

To put such a block on the accessibility of information is sad to see. I know it may be a fairly innocuous query, but it speaks to the desperation in Apple’s attempts to ruthlessly shore up users to its faltering music streaming service and its disregard of the user experience.

Anyway, speaking of Apple Music. We may as well rip off that scab as early as possible…

Apple Music, where to even begin?

I was very optimistic prior to Apple Music’s launch. As a user of multiple music download and streaming sites all I really wanted was a platform that offered a cross-device service that worked equally well for all operating systems and devices, which could seamless synch with each another. Apple Music promised just such a thing. Did it deliver?

apple-music-logo

No. In fact what it delivered was, and I say this with as little hyperbole as I possibly can, the most spiteful, frustrating and downright wicked platform I have ever had the displeasure to use. I genuinely got quite emotionally involved with this to the point where my wife told me I should probably go outside and have a walk.

Of its many faults…

  • Wiping all of my playlists.
  • Removing purchased downloads, while randomly doubling up others.
  • Adding the previously removed DRM encryption to unencrypted songs.
  • Hiding or complicating simple processes such as ‘synch music offline’.
  • Major inconsistencies in what actions I take on one device and how that translates to another device (adding songs to a playlist for instance).
  • Wiping all of my playlists I later remade. Again. For fun.
  • Randomly deciding that songs from an album can’t be downloaded to my offline playlist, even though they had been previously available.
  • Hiding the very important fact that many of these problems could be solved if you pay the annual fee for Apple’s iCloud storage, despite the fact that you already pay a monthly fee for a service that should by all rights ACTUALLY WORK.
  • Okay, I need to stop this list now.

Basically, Apple Music works fine if all you’re using it for is discovering new music and making new playlists within the service. If however you have an existing music library (20+ year-olds be damned) then it will just break your heart.

Getting rid of the iPod Classic

Formerly known only as the ‘iPod’, this powerful little beast had 160GB of storage which equated to 40,000 songs and could play for 36 hours before running out of battery. It was pretty affordable too, especially compared to the various, much smaller capacity iPhones.

And in 2014 Apple killed it. Why? Because it was too convenient? Too long-lasting? Too much value for money? Prices for new and refurbished models alike are currently on eBay for “stupid money.”

ipod classic

Apple disturbed its own marketing rhythm

Okay, bear with me here, as this teeters on the edge of pop-psychology bullshittery but it’s quite interesting.

UX designer Marc Shillum developed an idea that successful brands operate to a set rhythm. If you think of a piece of music with the notes replaced with brand touchpoints, a marketing strategy can be devised to create a similar emotional connection with a customer.

Shillum can explain this better…

“Our ability to deliver brand, product or service to market relies on the interconnected frequencies of demand, delivery and production. I wondered if the pattern connecting your product launch, to the gaps between software updates and the frequency of marketing sets a rhythm in the purchaser’s mind which could cause a subsequent, almost Pavlovian desire for the successive product.”

Apple in particular learnt how to create a functional rhythm that resonated with its customers.

brand as a pattern

The top pink line is the product launch points for each model of iPhone. The second line of orange points represents software launches. The third line of blue points represent unique campaigns. The final line of yellow points represent supporting marketing campaigns.

If you were to assign a different note within a chord structure to each individual line, this would play a tuneful melody completely in time.

However in the second half of 2012 Apple packed in a load of product launches (iPad Mini, new iMacs, new iPods, and a new iPhone) that totally upset the rhythm and disturbed consumer expectation.

According to Business Insider, this also meant that Apple had nothing to announce until June, giving Apple’s rivals an opportunity to dominate the headlines.

Jumping into bed with U2

In September 2014 a new U2 album appeared magically in mine and 500m other user’s iTunes folder, fully downloaded and ready to play on your desktop and your iPhone. Thanks Apple. Thank you very much.

u2 tour poster

This is how I personally described it on a post for Econsultancy last year…

“It was an intrusion. An unpleasant Frankenstein’s monster of variously invasive and irritating marketing practices; autoplay video, native advertising, Spotify ads and downloading spyware onto your browser. For iTunes it was a desperate, grasping move that’s indicative of how much of a dying platform it really was. For U2, it was just business as usual.”

U2 apple live event

There we go, spleen officially vented. I didn’t even get around to Apple Maps, all those apps that randomly appear after an update that you can’t delete, or how stupid I think the Apple Watch is. Maybe next time. For now though I’m just going to take my MacBook into the stationery closet and apologise to it quietly so nobody else can hear.

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