Think of me as a John Hammond type-figure, all avuncular, white-bearded and portly, swinging open a pair of giant gates, face conquered by glee, and greeting his eager visitors with a triumphant, “Welcome to the internet!”
That’s how proud I am to present you all with the best, funniest and weirdest stuff that you may have missed on the internet this week.
And much like Jurassic Park, everything here will seem fun and exciting at first, but eventually it will lead you to being eaten by a dinosaur in a portaloo.
So, you know, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Making sense of the current state of the UK political climate
It’s been a – (I can’t even settle on an adjective so here’s five of them) – tumultuous, horrifying, unpredictable, troubling and baffling week for UK politics. At times it’s been difficult to keep up, but for the most part it’s been even more difficult to tear myself away from the internet, as I stare wide-eyed and open-mouthed in shock.
Luckily there are a many brilliant (and I would imagine completely exhausted) political reporters and commenters helping make sense out of all this with genuine insight and what can only be described as the occasional megalolz.
If you’d like to keep up with what the heck is going in this country, I highly recommend giving these wonderful people a follow, if you don’t already…
We are all facepalm man pic.twitter.com/hkFVXMBTGr
— Aisha S Gani (@aishagani) June 28, 2016
A summary of this morning’s politics: pic.twitter.com/0CASSvCaMB
— Alan White (@aljwhite) June 30, 2016
ESTRAGON: Well, shall we Leave?
VLADIMIR: Yes, let’s Leave.
(They do not send the Article 50 Notification.)
— David Allen Green (@DavidAllenGreen) June 25, 2016
Chris Grayling says Lohan has not fulfilled her career potential, in part because she hasn’t visited Kettering. SERIOUSLY WHAT IS HAPPENING.
— Jim Waterson (@jimwaterson) June 30, 2016
Michael Gove greets Boris Johnson’s speech. The little whiff of his hair was the balloon deflating. https://t.co/3I49cfDt59
— SimonNRicketts (@SimonNRicketts) June 30, 2016
Just in case you thought politics couldn’t get weirder: Tory MP Nadhim Zahawi is having a meeting with Keanu Reeves pic.twitter.com/N9kvkDLvjh
— Michael Deacon (@MichaelPDeacon) June 28, 2016
Cheering hedgehog will make you feel amazing
What’s the best thing about the internet?
That it connects people from all corners of the globe in genuinely meaningful ways? That is gives a voice to those who would otherwise not have a platform? Or that it gives creative freedom to those who never even thought they could make something worthwhile?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, all that crap. But really the best thing about the internet are those long-running Photoshop battles on Reddit.
This week, a certain victorious hedgehog has taken the place of Confused Travolta and Crying Michael Jordan as the go-to meme of funny people who spend their time VERY wisely.
Here’s the original photo…
And here is all that it wrought…
Check out the rest here: r/photoshopbattles.
Let that ill-gotten doughnut be forever on your head!
Donuts in The Simpsons just look better than regular donuts in the real world. There’s something about the pinkness, the glaze and the sprinkles that make them so darn appealing, and just so…
Thankfully Gastronomic genius Christina Troitino has shared her own recipe for perfect Simpsons replica donuts over at the excellently named pop-culture food site Pâté Smith, so you can create your own circular, neon pink heart-stoppers.
Please note, donuts are called doughnuts in the UK because they’re made out of dough. They’re called donuts in the US because they don’t believe in using unnecessary consonants and vowels that make words harder to spell.
Don’t believe me? Well, did you know the proper English spelling of unnecessary is unneccsseccssary? Yeah, thought not.
Game of Bones
Crusoe The Celebrity Dachshund, an internet celebrity dachshund who we’re contractually obliged to refer to as Crusoe The Celebrity Dachshund, has made his very own cute little doggy version of Game of Thrones, where he acts moderately more obediently than Joffrey.
The little arms are the best bit.
You can now refer to him as Crusoe The Celebrity Dachshund, ruiner of shoes, chaser of squirrels, humper of legs, etc.
Disney princesses reimagined as cats reimagined as sharks that are not Disney princesses
When the sun has finally stopped burning, and blackness has descended upon the Earth, when every living creature has returned to the primordial ooze from which it began… this is all that will be left of humanity, a digital record of 12 Disney princesses reimagined as cats reimagined as sharks that are not Disney princesses.
That and the skeleton of James Corden lying in the wreckage of his Range Rover, centuries after taking his eyes off the road for a full 5 seconds to do the really high bit in ‘Skyfall’.
What does it feel like to take a bath in Coca-Cola and Mentos?
Here’s a video featuring two young gentleman pouring 1,500 gallons of Coca-Cola and Mentos into a pool, then taking a swim, before commenting that you can “feel all the fizz from the inside” and then flying a $1,400 Phantom IV Drone into the liquid.
I guess when you have too much money it’s difficult to come up with creative ways to spend it.
Watch Obama struggle to untangle iPhone earphones and name every dead character on Game of Thrones
In this super-cute video, Barack Obama provides various examples of things that are harder to do than register to vote.
I would save this in your bookmarks to watch whenever you feel particularly enraged by the behaviour of a certain Republican presumptive nominee.
A sorbet to cleanse the palette, if you will
Just sit back, turn off your mind, and watch Twinkie the Jack Russell pop a record breaking 100 balloons in just 39.08 seconds.
Ah. That’s better.
So one quick, final thing. Let’s check in on how the UK is doing right now?
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